Lately I’ve been asked a lot on sexual desire: How does it come from? How can you get it? Why does it appear? Why with some people we feel more than with others? The truth is that neither I, nor science, we have exact answers to each and every one of these questions, but what I can say is what I have observed throughout my professional and personal life.
What is fun about sexual desire is that it responds to a myriad of variables, so that it becomes complex and interesting. It is also a fact that yes there are some ‘ingredients’ main, they are I’d like to tell you today:
This is something that, to most of us, elevates our sexual desire to heaven. Not necessarily we like, but it works. While more uncertain, is a relationship, generally more passionate; it is as if we have an inner sense that tells us: ‘this is going to end, better enjoy it now’.
To that spark, that connection, that fire immediately that you feel with someone is one of the most common ingredients that our desire is all the time up. Sometimes the two parts of a couple don’t have to be alike, but just have some common points to have fun.
This is the reason, in part, by the relationships that are just beginning tend to be more passionate than the ones that are already more stable and take some time to be together. This is due to the curiosity, as it comes from someone new, all of us curious, we want to know EVERYTHING. The problems begin later, when you feel that you already know all of that person and that there is nothing that can surprise you. Few things kill so fast the desire as the feeling of certainty and lack of ability to wonder.
Although it seems unbelievable, the capacity that we have to play in the intimacy, is something that favors –importantly – the sexual desire. Play has to do with flow, not to take things so seriously, to be present and what I am.
It is vital to learn to communicate with my partner, be able to tell you what I like, what I don’t like, ask for what I need, mark limits when necessary, show me, talk about what I feel, among others. This allows us to feel close to the other person, that we are heard and understood. For many of us, is vital at the time of the passion.
These are just 5 of many ingredients that converge in the sexual desire. What turns you on? Do you have identified what situations, events or actions arouse your desire? Have you ever noticed if you have been changing according to your stage of life? It would be interesting to make a reflection and take note, because to the extent that you get to know them better, you’ll also be able to know better what turns you on and deliberately seeking each that you need.